BDSM is NOT Abuse

 

The Difference Between SM and Abuse

A Statement from the Lesbian Sex Mafia

SM: An SM scene is a controlled situation.
ABUSE:Abuse is an out-of-control situation.

SM:  Negotiation occurs before an SM scene to determine what will and will not happen in that scene.
ABUSE:One person determines what will happen.

SM: Knowledgable consent is given to the scene by all parties.
ABUSE: No consent is asked for or given.

SM: The “bottom” has a safeword that allows them to stop the scene at any time should they need to for physical or emotional reasons.
ABUSE:The person being abused cannot stop what is happenning.

SM: Everyone involved in an SM scene is concerned about the needs, desires and limits of others.
ABUSE:No concern is given to the needs, desires and limits of the abused person.

SM: The people in an SM scene make sure that they are not impaired by alcohol or drug use during the scene.
ABUSE: Alcohol or drugs are often used before an episode of abuse.

SM: After an SM scene, the people involved feel good.
ABUSE: After an episode of abuse, the people involved feel bad.

If you have further questions regarding domestic abuse, please call the New York City Gay & Lesbian Anti-Violence Project (AVP). They are educated in the differences between BDSM and abuse.

AVP
24 hour hotline — 212-714-1141
240 West 35th Street, Suite 200
New York, NY 10001